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Things not to say to Mums of boys

Newborn Baby Photography Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham
Published by Charlie Christopher in New Mum · 27 September 2018
Tags: mumofboyssuttoncoldfieldbabyphotographymotherhoodboymum
Sooooo, this little blog post has been cooking for a while. At first I just started writing it as a way to vent without any intention of actually uploading it, but every time someone else discovers that we have two boys and tells me that we need to try for a girl I get a little closer to pressing the upload button. And well, here we are, so I guess I reached my limit ;)

It started when I was pregnant with Rafa and we found out that he was a boy. I'd be out and about with George and someone would strike up a conversation about my pregnancy. And every single time I waited for the dreaded question 'do you know what you're having?'.

When I told them I was having another boy it was shocking how many people would pull an almost sympathetic face as if it wasn't good news. One person actually said the exact words 'ah not to worry, you'll have to just try again for a girl'.

This deeply offends me and used to leave me upset every time. The fact that they would react as though a second boy wasn't a desirable result simply baffles me. I would just smile politely and try to move on as quickly as possible, but inside I was gutted that they would feel that way.

Did they think that when I spent Christmas Day pregnant with Rafa bleeding and convinced that I had lost him, or when the midwife sent me to hospital as a matter of urgency at 28 weeks because his heartbeat was hard to find and very slow, that I was worried about his gender or hoping for anything other than my baby to be ok?

And it has continued now that he is here. My wonderful boys are the best things to ever happen to me and they make me smile every single day. I wouldn't change either of them for the world. Yet I get told left right and centre that we need to try again for a girl. As if I couldn't possibly feel fulfilled or happy with two sons and no daughter in my life. And what makes it worse is that it doesn't seem to happen the other way around, I have friends who only have daughters and they don't get told repeatedly that they need to try again for a boy, if at all.

I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have these boys in my life. They make me happy to the core and I feel truly blessed that they have been given to us. I've seen and heard heartbreaking stories of fertility struggles, some with happy endings and some sadly without, which hits home even more how fortunate we are.

I know people don't mean to be hurtful when they make these comments and most of the time they are just making conversation. But they are hurtful and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only boy Mum to feel this way.

So if you've ever made a comment about the gender of someone's baby, please please in future think before you speak and stop implying that by having a second (or third or fourth) boy that we got the consolation prize. Because our boys are amazing, special and irreplaceable.

My house is full of sticks, stones and leaves collected from the garden, the toy box is bursting with diggers, cars, superheroes and swords, I find George's pants in random places on a daily basis and I regularly say phrases like 'concentrate on where your willy is pointing when you wee' and 'use a tissue please, don't wipe your nose on the cat', I get cuddles at least once every 10 minutes and amongst the epic tantrums we dance and sing and make a mess. My house is full of love and laughter and as Rafa gets older it's ony going to get better.

My little family unit is perfect just the way it is and we wouldn't have it any other way.  

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Charlotte Christopher Photography
Whitehouse Common Road
Sutton Coldfield
West Midlands
B75 6DT
Tel : 07831 147514
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